


glass, filled in with gold (pray it will not break)

by feralgayanddumbassaoyama



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Depression, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self Harm, Suicidal Ideation, a hell of a lot of depression, meetings, ventfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 18:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18998191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralgayanddumbassaoyama/pseuds/feralgayanddumbassaoyama
Summary: A tale of shattering, brokenness, and hopefully, recovery.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags.
> 
> This chapter contains self harm - I'm not sure if It technically counts as graphic, but better safe than sorry.

All Natalya had ever wanted was a family, but people like them didn’t get family, did they? They got war and death and famine and hurt hurt hurt but family was out of the question because your ally one day is your enemy the next and it’s not something you can afford.

 

She just wanted someone to wrap her up in their arms oh so tight, tell her that it would be alright, that it got better, but it wouldn’t get better and that wasn’t going to happen. Natalya just wanted a sister, a brother, someone she could look to and count on and who would be there, physically  _ be there _ , but she wasn’t ever going to get that, was she? 

 

She didn’t deserve it.

 

So she did what she could, caused pain to herself when she couldn’t to others, and oped that one day all the pain put together would be enough and it would just. Stop. Not death, necessarily, but after so much life (if it could be called that), she wouldn’t object to it. 

 

(The first time, it was a screwdriver. She’d dragged it across the inner skin of her forearm, watched the skin grow red and form welts, saw the skin tear - but never too much, no, never past the first few layers of skin. It was mesmerizing, almost, and her mind was finally  _ empty _ of all the screaming that was usually in it, all the while repeating to herself, like a mantra, that it didn’t count if she didn’t bleed.)

 

Of course Natalya never told anyone. It would be terrible for them, would it not, to be forced to recognize that the cold bitch that they loved to antagonize had actual emotions, that they hurt her, that she wasn’t steel but glass, already shattered into oh so many pieces.

 

Good thing she wore long sleeves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning, again, for self harm. sorry.

Meeting. Boring. Belarus didn’t know who was speaking, or what they were talking about. Something involving numbers - she decided she didn’t care.

 

Her pen scratched against the skin of her arm. Up, down, up, right, up, left, down, down, diagonal - no rhythm to it at all. Natalya wasn’t looking at what she was doing, gaze planted firmly on a tree branch on the other side of the window pane.

 

“Belarus? Any comments?”  
  
It was Natalya that straightened her posture, yanked her sleeve down, and slapped her hands back onto the table; however, it was Belarus that leveled an icy cold glare at the speaker - Liechtenstein, finishing up her presentation on taxes, she noted with the barest pang of guilt - and said, sharply, “What.”

 

Liechtenstein just smiled, all sunshine and rainbows, as per usual. “Sorry Miss Belarus, but you looked like you were spacing out there for a second!”

 

“No comments, Liechtenstein, get on with your presentation.”

 

“Okay! Just wanted to make sure!” the girl chirped, doing as instructed.

 

Belarus looked down at her arm and saw a single drop of blood.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all just projection. If I continue this at all, it will basically be my mental state as told through aph Belarus, which is why "and hopefully, recovery" is in the description. As a sidenote, because this is projection, Belarus (and any other characters who may appear) will likely be out of character, so I apologize in advance.


End file.
